Touching the Untouchable: Which is Unconditional Love
Written by Dale Ebel
[Romans 10:9 NLT] 9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
My purpose in this teaching is for you to understand the difference between “Sacrificial Love” and “Unconditional Love.”
Throughout the text of Scripture, the Bible is replete with conditional clauses, as is stated in the opening verse. We live our lives with the daily realities of healthy conditions—in our families, in our jobs, in our academic pursuits, in the sociopolitical arenas, and, of course, in our relationship with the living God.
And yet, for some reason, far too many evangelical Christians espouse that God loves us unconditionally, and that we are to love our mates, our enemies, or even wicked people, unconditionally. I believe that even for the Lord Yahweh God, this is not true.
A Relevant Question
A man in our ministry recently sent me a video to evaluate. It featured a young pastor espousing that the number one reason for marriage, based on Genesis 2:24, was to teach men how to love their wives unconditionally. From my perspective, this is simply not true. When we realistically examine our relationships—especially in marriage—we live with constructive conditions.
This “nice” pastor was placing his culturally tenderized version of marriage not only on his relationship with his wife, but also on his myopic understanding of Elohim’s explanation and purpose of marriage in Genesis.
There is much I could say about the purposes of marriage, but here are two Scriptural purposes:
- Marriage eradicates loneliness for both male and female (Genesis 2:18).
- Marriage has an outward focus (Genesis 2:15; 20b). Eve was a “helper” to Adam, helping him “subdue and manage” God’s creation (1:26). The focus was not on themselves, but on God’s charge to accomplish something outside of and bigger than themselves.
The Societal Importance of Marriage
One man who transformed the Western view of marriage—and took the seeds of Western civilization from monasteries into the broader culture—was the sixteenth-century German reformer Martin Luther. Once an Augustinian monk, Luther denounced monasteries and promoted marriage and family as the divinely ordained school of character.
In advocating marriage, Luther promoted the morally demanding idea of an exclusive and lifelong loving relationship between one man and one woman. When harnessed properly, sexual drive builds individuals, families, and communities; but when it is unleashed without the restraints of morality and wisdom, it destroys.
Walter Trobisch, in his marvelous book Love Is a Feeling to Be Learned, said that “obedience is an erotic necessity!” Marriage, when practiced biblically, places sacrificial love within the confines of one man and one woman, making loyal obedience transformative when practiced by both husband and wife.
The problem with permissiveness, polygamy, and divorce is that they undermine the most potent idea behind Western civilization—the dignity of women, men, and children. Some would postulate that monogamy is one of the significant pillars that has sustained the basic foundation of morality in the West. I agree.
If the West is still reaping the positive results of monogamy, many other regions, like parts of Africa, are already paying a massive socioeconomic price for sexual permissiveness of one or both partners. This includes the slavery of women (sex trafficking), the destruction of the marriage bond leading to family breakdown, weak children and men, orphans, HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, and the loss of their working generation.
In Europe, the impact of unstable marriages has frightened millions of people from having and nurturing children. This, along with immigration, is enabling Islam to expand in Europe through reproduction alone—without firing a gun or winning a debate.
Even before Islam takes over Europe, democracy and the Muslim vote are forcing Europe to legalize polygamy. It is legal in the Netherlands and permitted in Norway, Britain, and Canada for Muslims to have multiple wives (see Truth and Transformation by Vishal Mangalwadi, p. 53). From my understanding, the Oregon legislative body is attempting to legalize polyandry (a woman having more than one husband). The Oregon judiciary and some city council members are influenced by radical ideologies.
With easy divorce becoming embedded in the DNA of societies, we are amputating our souls, as we reject the whole counsel of God as revealed in His written Word.
Back to the Discussion About Unconditional Love
Many find it upsetting—and therefore unacceptable—to have a conditional relationship with the Lord God. We live in an age of “unconditional love.” In the secular mindset, “love” is not specifically defined. Most secular thinkers apply their false definition of love indiscriminately, assuming that love is tolerant of any and every behavior. Thus, “unconditional” becomes a predominant theme in pagan ideologies.
Friends, is the Bible shaping our lives, or are our lives being shaped by secularism?
Godly Morality Is Obligations-Oriented; Secular Morality Is Rights-Oriented
Since World War II, children raised in secular education have typically been taught their rights, while those raised in traditional Jewish or Christian education have been taught their obligations. Which approach is more likely to produce an adult who does more good should be obvious.
It was obvious to Nobel Prize-winning Soviet author and dissident Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. In his 1978 Harvard commencement address, he stated:
“It is time for the West to defend not so much human rights as human obligations.”
Solzhenitsyn was expressing a central principle of Biblical Total Truth Worldview (BTTW): preoccupation with obligations is more effective in achieving righteousness than preoccupation with rights. This is a foundational reason I substitute “Sacrificial Love” for “Unconditional Love.”
I do not know of any healthy, lasting marriage that operates under the premise that there are no conditions between spouses. Do you?
In many cases, the premise of unconditional love is a misguided expression of hyper-spiritual altruism (selflessness). Yet this false mantra is repeated over and over again.
The biblically correct understanding of love is acting righteously and doing what is best for the person receiving that love. This is another reason I substitute “sacrificial love” for “unconditional love.” Probably not a day goes by in a healthy marriage without some act of sacrificial love—often not monumental, but small, consistent acts of selflessness.
Ephesians 5:25 NASB95] 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
It is one thing for the secular, pagan world to pontificate such false love, but it is rather sobering and disconcerting to see many Christians, especially pastors, do the same. At the service we attended on Easter the pastor focused exclusively on God’s unconditional love without one mention of our responsibility to obey. Both the “love of God” and “love for God” must be taught.
Yahweh God and Jesus Christ are interested first and foremost in people behaving lovingly, decently, morally, responsibly, justly, mercifully, and obediently.
[Micah 6:8 NIV] 8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
After choosing to immerse myself in the Torah for the last three years, I would say:
The Exodus story represents the Statue of Liberty.
Sinai represents the Statue of Responsibility!
In the Pentateuch, we discover that our holy God always set conditions on the nation of Israel and the Jewish people. He simply expected them to obey. Furthermore, the good behavior God demands from us is rendered much less likely when people think there is literally nothing they could do—no matter how heinous—that will stop them from being treasured.
Precisely because God is a loving God, He will show His displeasure toward those who engage in evil. It is not loving to love mass murderers and others who dedicate their lives to cruelty. The notion that God loves people unconditionally, no matter how cruelly they act toward human beings—who are, let us remember, God’s children—is neither loving nor moral.
The Bible links God’s love—as it does everything—to morality.
If we love those who do extraordinary evil as much as we love those who are extraordinarily good, we are saying that love is unrelated to morality. In that case, love becomes the one thing we decouple from good and evil. The living God never separates love from morality, so why should we?
I have little consternation that the Lord God has conditions upon my life—whether in the workforce, human relationships (including marriage), or other dimensions of living a successful life. Understanding this does not motivate me to live on a performance basis, but it does motivate me to live responsibly in order to please our Lord.
[1 Thessalonians 4:1 NIV] 1 As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as, in fact, you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.
[2 Peter 1:10–11 NKJV] 10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things, you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
By the way, I will guarantee you that everyone reading this article lives responsibly! I praise God for you—well done!
An additional thought is merited here.
The Book of the Covenants (Old Testament) and the Renewed Covenant (New Testament) are emphatically behavior-oriented. They recognize and teach that bad behavior—not bad thoughts—does the most damage in life.
Two questions will suffice:
What is worse—to hate someone or to murder someone? Obviously, both are sin, and our Lord taught that having unrighteous anger toward someone is sin (Matthew 5:21). But carrying out the act of murder is worse.
I believe the Lord also emphasized this Hebraic thought in the parable of the two sons, illustrating that actions are more important than words:
[Matthew 21:28–31 AMP] 28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons, and he came to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ 29 And he answered, ‘I will not’; but afterward he regretted it and changed his mind and went. 30 Then the man came to the second son and said the same thing; and he replied, ‘I will, sir’; but he did not go. 31 Which of the two did the will of his father?” The chief priests and elders replied, “The first one.” Jesus said to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you that the tax collectors and prostitutes will get into the kingdom of God before you.”
If you want to change, change your actions—because behavior induces feelings.
Of course, bad thoughts can lead to wrong behaviors (Matthew 5:28), but the Hebraic emphasis is primarily on actions. As I have said over the years, we need more of the Hebraic mindset, where we act our way into good thinking and good emotions.
In general, the Bible primarily legislates behavior rather than belief or thought. Perhaps this is why only one of the Ten Commandments—“You shall not covet”—addresses thought. One reason for this is that the Bible is not totalitarian—it leaves the mind free for us to choose.
This is one reason the “New Tolerance” is totalitarian in nature—it demands that we must agree in our thinking and accept and celebrate any and all deviant lifestyles. Again, “unconditional love” raises its head.
Ah, the magnificent Law. No wonder the Psalmist said, “Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors” (Psalm 119:24 NIV). I don’t know about you, but I need counseling from God’s instruction manual every day! 😀
[Exodus 19:5 NIV] 5 Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, 6 you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’ These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites.
In this passage, God is establishing with the Israelites the terms by which He will be their God, and they will be His people. The “if” in this verse is often overlooked, yet it is of immense significance. It means that Israel’s status as God’s “treasured possession” is conditional and contingent. Only if they obey God’s laws will they experience His blessings as His treasured people.
There are both conditional and unconditional covenants in Scripture related to the nation of Israel. This conditional covenant required obedience in order for them to reap the benefits and rewards of following God’s laws, statutes, and precepts. This does not mean they are no longer God’s chosen people if they disobey, but God will either allow them to reap the consequences or overtly discipline them when they disregard His instructions.
The prophet Hosea teaches us that God will always be prepared to take back a penitent Israel (Hosea 14:4). This does not contradict God’s admonition in Exodus. This is also true in the Renewed Covenant:
[1 John 1:9 AMP] 9 If we freely admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just… and will forgive our sins and cleanse us continually from all unrighteousness.
It is the same with us as present-day followers of Christ. When we sin and disobey, it does not mean we are no longer Christians (1 John 2:1–2). The Lord Jesus Christ is willing to restore us to fellowship when we repent and come humbly before Him (Hebrews 4:16).
However, it does mean that we have broken fellowship with the living God, and in many cases we experience consequences for our sin and miss out on the benefits of obedience. If we persist in rebellion, He may overtly discipline us.
[Hebrews 12:6 ESV] 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves and chastises every son whom He receives.
The fifteenth chapter of John, all in red letters, 😀 is replete with conditional clauses, often beginning with the word “if.” Notice these three:
[John 15:5, 10, 14 NIV]
“If you remain in me…”
“If you keep my commands…”
“You are my friends if…”
Why does our Lord link love to obedience? Because God is both just and loving. He shows displeasure toward evil (Numbers 11:1; Matthew 10:14), and He expresses pleasure in obedience (Isaiah 42:21; Hebrews 13:16).
[Matthew 25:41 NIV] 41 “Depart from me, you who are cursed…”
He also rewards obedience:
[Matthew 25:21 LSB] 21 “Well done, good and faithful servant…”
A legitimate question to ask is this: Does the God you believe in get angry at evil? If the answer is no, then that is not the God of the Bible.
How would we regard a human being who never became angry at evil? How should a loving God respond when people treat others with cruelty? I do not want to believe in a loving God who does not hate evil.
After all, Scripture teaches: “Those who love the Lord hate evil” (Psalm 97:10).
Christ will also judge evil:
[Matthew 25:30 NLT] 30 “Throw this useless servant into outer darkness…”
Actions to Take
- How would you respond to the young pastor: “Marriage is designed for a man to learn unconditional love for his wife”?
- Summarize the societal impact of marriage as discussed above.
- Discuss the statement: “God links love to morality.”
- Read and reflect on John 15.
- Will you attempt to use the phrase “sacrificial love”?
Attempting to live sacrificially for Christ,
Dale