One of my favorite books on marriage is Willard Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs. After counseling with thousands of couples over his lifetime, Harley records his rich findings in this excellent book. He discovered that there are are five important needs that men have, just as there are five that women have. Of course, some of these needs overlap and they are not true in every case, but overall, these are study-verified as the most common needs for men and women.
Here is a summary:
Her needs tend to be: His Needs tend to be:
- Affection 1. Sexual Fulfillment
- Conversation 2. Recreational Companionship
- Honesty and Openness 3. An Attractive Spouse
- Financial Support 4. Domestic Support
- Family Commitment 5. Admiration
A CAUTION: The tendency is for one spouse to try and meet the other spouses
needs by fulfilling his or her own needs.
Sit down with your husband or wife and write down what you see above. Circle your most basic needs (without them peeking!) Then circle what you believe is your spouse’s most basic needs. Discuss your answers.
Remember: Needs have a powerful drive to find fulfillment either in marriage or outside of marriage. Please do not underestimate their compelling force!
February will be a month filled with “marriage and family” posts on DEM, so stay tuned each day!