“21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” – Ephesians 5:21; 25-28 NASB95
The Secular Mantra About Men and Masculinity
The secular script is replete with toxicity towards men, masculinity, and especially Christian men.
I addressed this in significant detail in an article that I wrote when dealing with the issue of the social justice movement and its ideologies. Please go to my blog www.daleebel.org, and you will discover on page 4, an article dated March 19, 2021, titled: Social Justice and Manhood
Below is a small sampling of such prejudices:
• TV news journalist Cokie Roberts made the comment that Protestant gender ideology “can clearly lead to abuse, both physical and emotional.”
• “At its core, complementarian theology (male authority in the home) is one of inequality and hierarchy. The inequality breed’s abuse.” (Huffington Post).
• The theology of male headship “feeds the rape culture that we see permeating American Christianity Today” (cofounder of #ChurchToo).
• “Seeds of wife beating lie in the subordination of females and their subjection to male authority and control rests in conservative religion. And it is conservative religion that makes such relationships seem natural, morally just, and sacred.” Quoted from (Violence against Wives: the case against the Patriarchy).
How Christian men shattered the stereotypes
I have recently been reading Nancy Pearcey’s book, The Toxic War on Masculinity. She has presented compelling empirical, sociological, and psychological data based on comprehensive research that tells the accurate story of evangelical men, their marriages and families.
We often hear that Christian marriages are plagued by the same rates of divorce as the rest of the population. I have questioned this claim for many years, mainly because the findings include “nominal” or “marginal” professing Christian men. I realize my experience is very limited, but essentially every Christian man that I have been associated with and personally know, are men of integrity. They support and protect their families, live with a moral compass, attempt to hold true to the Word of God, love their wives sacrificially and are devoted fathers. So, it was always perplexing for me to hear such statistics when it did not square with my limited experience. Yet year after year it seemed to be a frequently quoted statistic even by Christian leaders.
“Men that identify as theologically conservative Christians divide into two distinct groups, and these groups diverge dramatically. One consists of men who are religiously devout, defined as those who attend church at least three times a month, walk in biblical purity, and are committed to do the emotional work to make their marriage and family successful. These men shatter the negative stereotypes! They are more loving to their wives and more emotionally engaged with their children than any other group in America. They are the least likely to divorce, and they have the lowest levels of domestic abuse and violence.” – Nancy Pearcey, The Toxic War on Masculinity, p. 36
So-called, “Nominal/Marginal” Christian Men Compared to “Christ Centered” Men
“Nominal” Christian men are defined as those who identify with the religious tradition because of their family or cultural background, but who attend church sporadically if at all. The word “nominal” means “in name only.” From my perspective, these would not be Christians at all, but rather, “pretenders,” or “hypocrites” (Psalm 26:4 NASV 2 Cor. 11:26 NIV “false brothers”). Of course, I was acquainted with such deceptive imposters (both men and women) when I pastored, but they were the rare exception! It is true that “nominal” Christian men do fit the negative stereotypes and shockingly so. They spend less time with their children, either in discipline or shared activities. Their wives report significantly lower levels of happiness. And their marriages are far less stable. From my perspective, it is wrong to even label them as nominal or marginal Christian Men. They do not demonstrate genuine saving faith based on James 2:14. Otherwise, their faith-behaviors would be evident. We do a significant disservice to the term “evangelical” when we continue this false labeling, by identifying them as “Christian.” If we accept the false notion that true faith is simply “an intellectual assent” or even based on some past verbal profession without any kind of behavioral change, we only reinforce an incomplete definition of biblical faith. This is demeaning to true Christian men who seek to live their lives as godly Christ-followers.
“What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him? … But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless?” – James 2:14, 20 NASB95
The Cultural Popularization of Fatherhood
In recent decades, the media has popularized the positive ideal of a new fatherhood, urging men to take a more active and emotionally expressive role with their children. Many would be surprised to learn that, according to the sociological data, it is dedicated, conservative Protestant family men who come closest to the ideal for the new fatherhood. Pretty wonderful if you ask me
Godly Men as Fathers
How do devout Christian family men stack up as fathers? Secular critics suspect religious conservatives of being harsh, authoritarian, autocratic fathers. But the research tells a far different story. Church going, evangelical, Protestant family men are the least likely to yell at their children.They are the most likely to be warm and affectionate, and to engage in one-on-one conversations with their children. They are more likely to report praising and hugging their children “very often,” compared to secular or religiously unaffiliated fathers.
Church going dads also spend more time in activities with their children, such as eating meals together, reading to them, playing games, coaching sports, attending school activities, and leading a church youth group. All told, religiously active fathers spend more hours per week with their children compared to secular fathers. They are also the most likely to know where their adolescents are in the afternoons and evenings. (The above paragraphs in part came from Brad Wilcox, Soft Patriarchs, p. 112 to 131) via my reading of Nancy’s Pearcey’s research (p. 41)
Godly Men in the Home
Why is it that church going, theologically conservative family men test out as the most loving husbands and fathers of any major group in America? The key factor discovered is that these men have a strong commitment to the family as the foundational institution in society. They believe marriage is not primarily about individual fulfillment but about forming a stable, loving home to raise a family. They hold an ideal of fidelity and permanence in marriage.
Critics of Christianity tend to make the mistake of equating authoritarian with authoritative. The first category – authoritarian –refers to fathers who are harsh, angry, critical and controlling. They often resort to yelling and hitting. The second category –authoritative— are fathers who uphold clear boundaries and firm structures but who link these practices to high levels of emotional support, such as expressions of specific praise and affection. This approach has the most positive outcomes for children.
This family-centered perspective turns out to be the most reliable predictor of whether a man has a good marriage. Contrary to what most people might think, it is even more important than husbands view of gender norms—that is, whether he is the leader of his home or not. Brad Wilcox who is a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and the Director of The National Marriage Project states:
“men’s commitment to family-centered beliefs is a more important predictor of their wife’s happiness than their beliefs about gender roles” — The Toxic War on Masculinity p. 39.
The Cultural Manly Man
In years past the word that described a man’s strength was not masculine, but “manly.” The word manly carries with it a moral dimension. In middle English, the word meant brave, resolute, noble, courteous. The Declaration of Independence used the word to mean courage in resisting the tyranny of King George III. It praised the colonists for opposing King George for “repeatedly dissolving Representative Houses, with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.” The nation’s second president, John Adams, wrote that, to defend the New Republic, Americans would need “all great, manly, and warlike virtues.” – The War on Toxic Masculinity, p. 101
The Role of Morality Shaping Manhood
What I glean from these last comments from the Constitution and John Adams is that godly Christian men have the rigger and courage to fight for noble values in the broader public square. From the rest of the above information I sighted, they are also influencing and leading their families with a biblical and moral compass. They are able to do both by fulfilling family obligations and public endeavors with integrity.
It is evident to me that evangelical men are clearly godly men in faith and practice. This needs to be celebrated, communicated, and overtly proclaimed from the pulpits, from those of us who choose to write about biblical principles, those in small groups in churches, and other Bible studies, as well as in our daily public interactions with others.
GOOD GOING YOU GODLY MEN!
Actions to Take:
#1 Be intentional in communicating these truths.
# 2 Provide this information for your Pastor and encourage him to teach this from the pulpit.
#3 Buy, read, and give Christian influencers Pearcey’s book: The Toxic War on Masculinity
In Christ,
Dale