The following teaching is in conjunction with a teaching I did for men, titled, “Husbands, Your Wife Can’t Do Without AFFECTION.” You will find that teaching HERE.
No Sex, Please, We’re Married
This was the title of an August 2003 Newsweek cover story. While our culture is clearly obsessed with sex, it seems to be largely overrated for those who have been married for any significant number of years. Studies reveal that, more and more, married couples are enjoying physical intimacy far less because of exhaustion, dual incomes, demands of raising children, antidepressants, anger and lack of domestic support for chores around the home.
God’s perspective, however, teaches us that sex within marriage is never under rated but is rather meant to draw and bond husbands and wives together for pleasure, procreation, and protection.
Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7:2-5: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (NIV)
Men and women, this is one need your mate cannot have met by any other person! Needs are powerful! No matter how spiritual you are – or think you are – if your needs are not met by your spouse they will, with relentless force, seek to be met in some other way.
After years of counseling, Dr. Willard Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs, has discovered that “the typical wife does not understand her husband’s deep need of sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife’s deep need for affection” (page 43).
When a man and woman choose each other they are making a life long commitment to meet one another’s needs. Many Christian marriages struggle behind closed doors with a lack of commitment and follow through in meeting each other’s sexual needs.
According to Harley’s research (some twenty-five years after publication) the top need for men (and some women) is still sexual intimacy!
As one guy shared in one of my disciple groups, “I used to think of sex all the time. When I told this to my Dad, he said ‘son I just think of sex only 20% of the time.’” The son was really feeling guilty until his father went on to say, ‘I think of sex one second out of every five seconds’”
Look at the healthy perspective of intimacy between a husband and wife found in the Song of Solomon . After describing her physical beauty, Solomon and the Shulamite, his bride, consummate their marriage: “How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! … (Her response) “Awake, north wind, and come, Southwind! Blow upon my garden, (garden in the ancient Near East was a euphemism for a woman’s sexuality) that it’s
fragrance may flow out. Let my beloved come into this garden and eat its fruit.” [Song of Solomon 4:10-16 (selected)
Print up this article and sit down with your spouse. Each of you rate yourselves on a scale of 1-10 as to how you feel your marriage is doing
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Starvation Meager Satisfied Thrilled
Dale, did a teaching on the two top needs of men and women at a marriage seminar in February. If you would like to hear this message you may access it under Audio Messages title, “Enriching Your Marriage.” February 20, 2010.